I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
