So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
