I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
