Ketchup is God's man juice
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
