Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
