is wine microwaveable?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
