I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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