literally had 100 drinks last night.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
