i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
