tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
