i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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