he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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