You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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