I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
