Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
