i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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