butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
