Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
