remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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