Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
