Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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