Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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