Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
