im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
