i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
