I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
