margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
