Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
