My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
