And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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