nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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