What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
