I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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