my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
