Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
