Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
