I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
