If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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