I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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