so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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