fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
