clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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