Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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