im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
