I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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