I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
