I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wrigley field is MILF paradise
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Help me help you realize you are a moron
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
