What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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