im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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