Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
