Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
