i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
