Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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