Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
